On anuses

Many if not most people dislike or are ashamed of their anuses.

We associate them with shit, which at first glance seems fair enough, but also misses the point completely. That shit doesn’t come from your anus, it comes from you. That shit is you. It’s all the useless garbage you consumed without realising it was garbage, and which would literally kill you if your body couldn’t shit it out.

Your anus does exactly the opposite of what you think it does. Your anus keeps your shit in. Every single one of us has shit inside us right now. Your anus exists to give you the ability to keep it to yourself.

Have you ever seen a fish shit? They make do with a very simple cloaca. They eat food, get whatever combination of matter they use to fuel themselves out of it, and the rest comes almost immediately out the other end in a long translucent trail. And it just becomes part of the water.

Anyone who’s ever dealt with aquariums will tell you the nitrogen levels in the water need to be maintained. What they’re talking about is that aquarium fish literally swim in their own shit, and it will literally kill them if they stay in the same water for too long.

(It’s worth pointing out that this fish problem I’m describing is actually caused by us, ignorantly confining a living being in an environment which does not naturally meet its needs.)

Humans are more evolved than fish; we have anuses. We have the ability to not leave an indiscriminate trail of shit behind us as we move through life. We manage our own shit. We keep it to ourselves, and everywhere you go you will find special rooms for dealing with it in private. Have you ever noticed that the (vastly underappreciated) human need for selective privacy is also served by these rooms? We use them to manage our own shit.

Because social stigma is more damaging than anyone who practices it realises, and the person who can believe that you don’t shit will probably never notice you doing it. You have your anus to thank for that.

Today’s song is from 1996, Frenzal Rhomb’s Punch in the Face.

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