Fuck.

Submission is as good as consent. Fuck! I’m tired of this universe. Everything makes sense, but everything is also terrifying. The lack of control we have over the things we rely on to survive is terrifying. I am literally terrified.

Consciousness is a universe created by thought. It exists within a (much, much) larger external universe, and this external universe contains billions of other consciousnesses, each one a thought-universe just like me, but no single one will understand the external universe the same way as me. The other consciousnesses can be known (loved) but only by way of a shared perception of the external universe. So to know other people we are forced to also know the universe, as it gives and as it takes away. Some people submit to the lack of control, others fight it and lose.

But consent is an outdated concept anyway. To this universe I will submit lovingly. Because this universe is also the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. Shoulda senda poet… yadda yadda yadda… I was raped one time. My feelings are still very conflicted and I’m not comfortable talking about it yet, but I felt like it might be important to say, just to give a better context to all this talk about consent.

I think God is the name we give to the forces we don’t understand. You can love God or you can hate God. I choose love. I choose to always try to see beauty even through ugliness. I can’t always fix ugliness but I can always create beauty.

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